Lady's February Article

Prisoner comes to terms with choices

By Betty DavisSunday, February 17, 2008

Mike is 49-years-old, serving 15 years in federal prison for drug dealing, with 10 years to go.
His home had a mom, a dad and one older brother. His parents were as dedicated to each another and to each boy as any I ever witnessed.
They loved those boys with words and actions, working hard and providing their needs and most of their wants. Not spoiling, just tending.
So what happened? We search for explanations when something or someone goes wrong. We feel safer when we can identify flaws. We know it can't happen to "us" if we know why it happened to "them." At least, that's my take.
Granted, there are situations that appear obvious; we can almost see it coming. But there are times we are blind-sided and we can't answer why.
Sometimes kids make mistakes and it's the fault of the kid. But it's hard to convince a mama or a daddy. Parents wonder what they did wrong, or what they could have done better.
The sorrow is that on another day, or in a year or two, the kids would've likely grown past it -- "it" being whatever they did that caused the mess. Then they can tell their own son or daughter their story, hoping to prevent another generation from making the same mistake.
Hopefully, parents don't brag or chuckle about younger, more foolish years, setting up their own kids to try the same foolishness. Mike's parents told no foolish stories.
Mike, a good kid growing up, began using drugs in high school. Later, he got a job, married, had children. By then, the drugs had him. He was caught, tried, sent to prison.
Mike was in prison when his dad died. Due to health reasons and distance, he hadn't seen his parents in three years. The only contact was one 15-minute phone call a week. He couldn't attend the funeral; couldn't grieve with his brother or his mother. He grieved in prison.
I sent Mike a sympathy card; it was one of the bigger favors I've done for myself. Subsequently, I've met a man who, through his letters, blames only himself and regrets decisions that caused enormous pain to others. He regrets the life he has cheated from himself, from his children, and the sadness caused to his family. He's remorseful about his decisions, as he should be. But that isn't the end of the story.
Mike sent a nine-page letter about himself and gave permission to share the letter with anyone who might make better decisions, if they had more information "from someone who's been there." He tells his story to warn, not brag. He's not chuckling.
Mike reads and studies; he has come to know Jesus (yes, Jesus will meet us anywhere). He creates beautiful items of leather that he sends to those he loves and who love him. More impressive are the cards on which he draws and paints. He treasures outside communications; we treasure his honest words written inside.
Mike expects and is prepared to serve his full sentence. I marvel that the sane can stay sane in such circumstances. His body lives in prison; his mind resides elsewhere.
What he did was wrong, very wrong. Even so, Mike reminds me of truths sometimes forgotten -- the grace with which Jesus forgives and that a life can be salvaged, wherever it is. To believe in better times, no matter the circumstances, and to talk of blessings, instead of complaints.
I'm glad to call him "nephew."

Betty Davis is a freelance writer in Abilene and regular columnist. She is a former Abilene public school board president.