Blessings Abound Even In Time of Grief by Betty Davis

The smells, sounds, and events of the holiday season are anticipated and welcomed by most of us. But for others, they heighten the awareness of loss and emptiness.
Eight years ago, we lost our precious granddaughter. Sweet Maddie was almost 2 -- learning to talk, to tease, discovering the world around her. Then she was gone.
We buried her the day before Thanksgiving. Such shock and sadness we had never known.
The month of December (and far beyond) our family moved through a fog, disconnecting us from the rest of the world.
When love, sharing and gift giving are in the air, the grieving are reminded of their loss each time they take a breath. Grief during holidays can be more acute. Holidays present dilemmas -- how to survive them or how to help a friend.
There is no quick fix for sadness, but there are tangible things we can do -- for ourselves, for others. Actions that help the griever take positive steps toward healing, while remembering and honoring loved ones.
Christmases past can't be re-created. Don't be pressured by yourself or by others. Do what you want; there are no rules.
Decorate or don't. Go somewhere, or don't. Tend to yourself. Take vitamins. Get out some, breathe fresh air, don't be afraid of sharing your sorrow with a friend and don't be afraid of ruining their day.
Fill in the blank, "I feel better when I __." Do it if possible.
Help someone who is hurting. No one understands grief better than another griever; healing comes from helping others. Give a gift in remembrance. Do something that creates a positive memory; the holiday will be different, but there can be soft memories. The more good we have in our lives after the sadness of loss, the better we heal. Grief recovery is hard work and there is no timetable. Joy and hope can be ours again.
A friend can send a card (or a card a week), give movie tickets or gift certificates to eat out. Better yet, take them out. Babysit. Take a meal (soup will do). Give a gift to a charity, or a book to a library or school, in the name of their loved one; it helps to know others remember. Take a basket of goodies. Make a phone call. Tell them something funny and don't be afraid to mention their loved one.
Every expression of love is savored. Our family knows.
God's grace, friends and strangers buoyed us through our sea of sorrow after our granddaughter's death. Their comforts are too numerous to name. One of laughter comes to mind.
After Thanksgiving, our daughter, her husband and their young son left for home to begin their life without their baby. We waved good-bye in the darkness of night, in the darkness of soul.
Arriving home, our daughter called, laughing. Church friends had strung Christmas lights around their country home. They illuminated the darkness of night, the darkness of soul.
Christmas morning, while children played with Santa's bounty, adults quietly talked and cried, sharing experiences of the continual care given to us. We had lost so much but we had been given so much. We knew grief on a new level, awareness of others was on a new level.
The memory of that Christmas is of grace and a small measure of peace.
May "the peace that passes all understanding" reside in our hearts this season.

Betty Davis is a freelance writer in Abilene and regular columnist. She is a former Abilene public school board president.